OK, it’s not April Fool’s Day and it was in the Washington Post, but I still find it difficult to believe! According to the aforementioned newspaper (HT Brad Boydston), the United States of America had battle plans produced in the case that they ever need to attack us! The plans are a 94-page document called “Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan — Red,” with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. Here is an excerpt from the article that lays out the plan step-by-step:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts — marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada’s Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it’s only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: “ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL.”

I detect a major weakness in the plans: they haven’t accounted for all of the rednecks living in my province of Alberta who not only have gun racks in their pick-up trucks, but also have guns to put there when necessary!

Bring it on! (Except my good friend Joe Cathey… he has far to many guns to provoke! Nice Joe… Nice Joe…) Just remember what happened last time you invaded us!