Category Archives: Humour

Christian Kitsch and Jesus Junk 6 – Philosophical Kitsch

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I came across this the Unemployed Philosophers Guild website via Felix Hominum and it is chock-full of humorous kitsch.

Previous instalments of my “Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch,” may be found here. Take special note of volume 4, the “What is Kitsch?” volume. Enjoy!

On the snack food side of things they have Nietzsche’s Will to Power Bar:

They also have a full assortment of mints including After Shakespeare Mints, After Therapy Mints, Anti Establish Mints, IndictMints, nlighten Mints, Kiss Mints, Manly Mints, Morning After Mints, National EmbarrassMints, and the theological pièCE de résistance (move over, Testamints!): Atone Mints

In addition, the Sin-O-Mints are also quite clever, as are the Forbidden Fruits sour apple flavour candies:

In the doll department, you can purchase plush dolls of many different thinkers such as Bach, Beethoven, Che Guevara, Darwin, Einstein, Freud, Galileo, Marx, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, and Socrates. On the religious side of things they have Buddha, Gandhi, and of course, Jesus — complete with a “WWID” bracelet:

One of the most “kitschy” items they have (which someone’s grandma may in fact want!) is the Last Supper Pillow with a wind-up music box that plays “Hey Jude” by the Beatles! I really think a more appropriate song would be something like Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus.”

They also have a variety of finger puppets and puppet sets, tee shirts, coffee mugs, among other things!

Check it out — and feel free to buy me whatever you think I may want! Seriously…

Snoring: Biblical and Otherwise (The Real Reason for Jonah’s Flight)

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I have finally figured out why Jonah took off to Tarshish when God told him to go to Nineveh! Jonah wasn’t being disobedient to God, he was just obeying a higher authority — his wife Anak! I have it on good evidence that Jonah’s wife evidently kicked him out of bed because of his snoring! At least that is my theory based on the Septuagint translation of Jonah 1:5-6!

My theory has nothing to do with the fact that I snore a little bit. OK, full confession: I snore really loud — just ask my wife or my kids! In order to gain some appreciation for how loud I snore, let me provide two illustrations. (1) As many of you know, I recently moved into a new house — a new house with a spare bedroom upstairs (also know as the “snoring room”). One night I had been sent to the snoring room and subsequently fell fast asleep. For some reason, in the middle of the night my wife had to go downstairs. She discovered that in the middle of the night she could hear my snoring everywhere in the house! (2) Last spring when I was in Toronto, I stayed at a good friend’s house. I ended up sleeping in his kids’ playroom. I am told that in the middle of the night his oldest son woke up and heard a horrible growling noise coming from the playroom. He ran to his parents’ room scared and told them all about the monster in his playroom. (Just in case you need the dots connected, I was the monster and my snoring was the growling. Also, don’t worry — I don’t have sleep apnea.)

Anyway… back to Jonah and my amazing theory. The Hebrew of Jonah 1:5 is pretty standard. Jonah takes off and boards a ship and goes down to the hold to catch a few zees. I guess it isn’t that boring since his sleep is described as רד×?, which is typically rendered as “deep sleep” or even “trance” (the cognate nominal is used in Genesis 2:21 to describe Adam’s Yahweh-induced sleep when having his rib removed). What I find interesting is how the Septuagint translates רד×? with the verb ῥέγχω “snore.” And Jonah’s snoring was apparently loud enough for the captain of the ship to hear him from above deck as he comes down to Jonah and asks him what is he doing snoring when a life threatening storm has been thrown to the Sea by Yahweh.

So, the moral of the story is if you snore, you’re in good company! Even the prophet Jonah snored… and we all know what a paragon of faithfulness and mercy he was!


Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch 5 – Special Kitschmas Holiday Edition

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It’s has been a while since I posted an edition of “Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch,” so I thought a special holiday edition would be appropriate! Now, you may be thinking that Christmas may be an easy target for a kitsch piece — and you’re right! During the holiday season kitsch is king — so much so that Christmas kitsch has even elicited its own name: Kitschmas! But here I will try not to settle for the easy targets, the commonplace pieces of Christmas kitsch available at any big box store like inflatable Santas or animated reindeer. Instead, I will try to bring you some truly bizzare Christmas fare. As you will see, an appropriate theme for this issue is the nativity scene. The nativity is truly a kitsch-magnet. It boggles the mind to think of all of the kitschy nativity scenes available in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

Previous installments of my “Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch,” may be found here. Take special note of volume 4, the “What is Kitsch?” volume. Knock yourself out!

The Inflatable Christmas

Inflatable Christmas decorations seem to be all the rage this year and baby Jesus is not exempt. There are a number of inflatable nativity scenes on the market; here are some highlights.

Outdoor Inflatable Nativity #1
This nativity scene will certainly get the neighbours talking! Joseph looks like the nephilim of old and Mary looks appropriately iconic for a woman who just experienced natural childbirth in a stable! I’m not sure who those kids are supposed to be… shepherds perhaps?

Outdoor Inflatable Nativity #2
If you thought the last inflatable nativity scene was impresive, just look at this one — it even comes with its own stable! (sorry, lowing animals are not included) To top it off, this giant 9 foot nativity inflatable includes lights for a stunning nighttime display!

The only real question I have is what did Santa do with Joseph? Did he get Yukon Corleone to knock him off? (Bonus if you can identify the pop culture allusion!) This beauty is still available from Bronners.

Massive Inlatable Jesus
The last two inflatables are dwarfed by this massive inflatable Jesus. This would be the sure way to attract attention! I imagine the theme of this vinyl-coated nylon marvel is something like “Jesus loves the little children.”

This inflatable comes from my native home town of Edmonton (see here). It almost looks as if kids could use Jesus’ lap as a trampoline — lap dance anyone? (OK, sorry, that was entirely uncalled for!)

Techno Jesus Nativities

Moving from the massive to the techno, who knew fibre optics and nativity scenes would make such a good team… kind of like peanut butter and jelly! There are two sets vying for your hard earned cash:

Fiber Optic Nativity Set #1
The miracle of Christmas is displayed in this exquisitely crafted poly resin, fiber optic creche. This Nativity contains transparent fibers that continually change through a virtual rainbow of colors. Lights surround the wooden stable, golden halos on Mary and Joseph and the crib of the Christ child. The complete set contains the manger with the holy family and moveable shepherd, sheep, mule, camel, ox and faux grass and straw.

Unfortuantly, it has been discontinued (see here). Too bad, so sad!

Fibre Optic Nativity Set #2
This colorful 14 inch fiber optic nativity is a must have for your Christmas décor. Exquisitely crafted from porcelain and masterfully accented with hand painted details, this beautiful nativity contains transparent fibers that continuously change through a rainbow of colors.

This one almost looks like a mix between a nativity scene and a scene from the little mermaid — at least the halos look like shells to me!

Thomas Kinkade Nativity Tree
OK, so this one doesn’t have fibre optics, but it does have lights and music! If you can believe it, this precious item is the first-ever illuminated nativity scene Christmas tree decoration!

From the description: “This illuminated tabletop decorated Christmas tree lights up at the touch of a switch and also plays Silent Night. Given the time-intensive handcrafting involved in this Hawthorne Village exclusive, demand could rapidly exceed availability. Be one of the first to get this unique Christmas decoration and gift idea.” OK, I’ll be right on it!

From Bad to Worse…

In my books the following examples of Christmas kitsch take the proverbial cake.

Nativity Kitchen Timer
How did Joseph get to Bethlehem just in time for Mary to give birth on Christmas Day? He relied on his trusty Nativity Kitchen Timer, of course! Only $9.99 plus postage.

Originally from My Beloved Gifts, this treat doesn’t appear to be available anymore. (HT Ship of Fools)

Nativity Belt Buckle
Talk about the “Bible belt” (haha). Now you can take the nativity with you wherever you go! Just remember to let it out a few notches before Christmas dinner!

Naked Troll Nativity
OK, these naked dolls are kind of creepy IMHO! I’m not sure why anyone would want naked troll dolls in the first place (except for Mimi Bobeck on the Drew Carey Show), let alone naked troll nativity dolls!

I’m just thankful that the Joseph doll is not anatomically correct!

If trolls aren’t your thing, then perhaps you will like this hobbit nativity scene:

Pooping Next to Baby Jesus?
OK, most nativity scenes have Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus, shepherds, some animals, an angel or two, and perhaps some wise men (although they were there much later!). I guess in the Catalonia region of Spain, nativity scenes also have an object called a caganer. The caganer is a figurine representing a peasant (or at times famous people) who is squatting in the corner of the stable, trousers dropped, taking a poop!

Lest we be offended, this figure is not meant to be disrespectful. In Catalan culture the peasant represents a hope for fertility in the coming year (for more about the tradition, see here) and finding the caganer is a fun game, especially for children.

If you’re interested in adding this to your Christmas traditions (I wonder what my wife would think if I tried to add one to our nativity scene?), check out caganer.com for some interesting caganer, including the one pictured above, which is supposed to be George W. Bush.

Jesus’ Flogging Lights

If you didn’t think that Mel Gibson’s flogging of Jesus in The Passion of the Christ was a bit overdone, then you will probably want to get your very own flogging of Jesus Christmas light display for next year. Just think of the money you will save if you use LED lights!

The Twelve Days of Kitschmas

If this sort of stuff tickles your funny bone, you will want to check out the “Twelve Days of Kitschmas” over at Ship of Fools. This is their annual roundup of truly covetable gifts for Kitschmas, though they are not necessarily Christmas kitsch. They also have an interesting read about kitsch and true religion in their Christ vs. kitsch feature you may want to check out. In addition, Going Jesus has a cavalcade of nativity scenes that is worth taking a gander at (and where I got some of the above).

“Christian Nudist” (!) Village in the Works

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Some born-again Christian nudists are building a nudist village in Florida, according to the Columbia News Service. Here is an excerpt:

Christian nudism might sound like an oxymoron, but for thousands of devout followers, living and worshipping naked is at the core of their faith…..

Bill Martin, the driving force behind Natura, runs the Naturist-Christians Web site, which has 19,000 registered users and averages 35,000 hits a day. His Yahoo group–where members discuss biblical passages rather than the etiquette to follow in nude social settings–has 6,000 users.

While Bellows believes “naturism and faith are one,” other Christians disagree. Bellows, 44, said he gets e-mail messages warning him of eternal damnation, while Allen Parker, from Virginia, said, “Many Christians attack us on many fronts, but the love Jesus shows us sustains us.”

….

Martin said he doesn’t want Natura to be only a haven for these Christian nudists–or naturists, a term many prefer. Instead, he wants Natura to make the bold statement that nudism is not only healthy, but sanctioned by God.

“Naturism was quite normal for the first few 100 years of Christianity,” said Martin, a 67-year-old Quaker. He blames puritanical Victorianism and what he calls America’s sexually obsessed culture for society’s qualms about nudity. “The culture has to be shown that naturism doesn’t lead to promiscuity. Natura will show them that.”

But the idea of raising kids in a nude environment can raise eyebrows–even Rob L.’s wife doesn’t want him nude at home when their daughter is around.

Well, isn’t that special… perhaps they should make an erotic calendar as a fund-raising device?

Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch 4.1 – Special Edition: Bible-Inspired Erotic Calendar!?

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OK, being seeker-friendly is one thing, but this is another! Reuters has a story about a German youth group which has produced a 2006 calendar with Bible-inspired erotic images. The images include a bare-breasted Delilah cutting Samson’s hair, a nude Eve offering an apple, Lot’s wife and daughters (!), Bathsheba in her bath, Salome’s dance, as well as some how I am not sure how they could be erotic, such as Jesus’ baptism and the near sacrifice of Isaac. The project is explained online here.

Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch, Volume 4 – What is Kitsch?

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I’ve been asked by some readers “What is ‘Kitsch’?” In this post I will attempt to define it, or more accurately, I will show some ways that it has been used in the discussion of religion & popular culture. I should say at the onset that much of my thoughts on kitsch have been formed in part by the following books:

McDannell’s work is perhaps the classic work on the material culture of different religions from an outsider religious studies perspective, while Brown’s monograph focuses more on the aesthetics of taste. I have not had a chance to examine Spackerman’s work yet, though it looks intriguing. Miller’s absolutely excellent work is an analysis of the effect of advanced capitalism on religion, especially on the effects of the commodification of religion in our culture.

While I am primarily interested in “Christian” kitsch, all religions have their own material culture, and consequently their own kitsch. There are many examples of “Judaikitsch,” Islamic kitsch, and kitsch from eastern religions. Thus you can buy Mitsvah Bears, Krishnah action figures (as well as Shiva and Buddah), or “I Love Allah” rulers.

What is “Kitsch”?

The term “kitsch” gained popularly by the 1930s when it was used to describe poor art. While the etymology of the word is unclear, many suggest the term was coined by German painters during the mid-1800s to deride the cheap “tourist art” bought in Munich (Kitschen with the sense “to make cheap”). Thus, the term “kitsch” is used by many to denote trivial literature, low quality materials, sentimental arts, or vulgar merchandise. Beyond this, McDannell finds that there are three distinct ways or approaches that scholars, artists, and cultural critics use the term “kitsch”: cultural, aesthetic, and ethical.

A Cultural Approach
Sociologists, anthropologists, and cultural studies specialists note that for many the term “kitsch” is pejorative and reflects a cultural bias. In contrast to this understanding of the term, proponents of this perspective understand kitsch as a reflection of educational and economic levels, among other things. Thus Bourdieu notes, “art and cultural consumption are predisposed, consciously and deliberately or not, to fulfill a social function of legitimating social differences.” One person’s art will be another person’s kitsch.

Every social group has its own artistic expression that include a system of aesthetics with its own internal logic and we should not judge one group’s material culture by the standard’s of another.

An Aesthetic Response
Artists and cultural critics are not as forgiving as social scientists, and some tend to see kitsch as mass produced and inferior art, a cheap imitation of good art.

This approach places kitsch as a subset of art — it tries to be art, but it ultimately fails. Some proponents of ths approach understand this low quality art as an attempt to identify with the “real art” of the upper classes. Thus, kitsch required the existence of a mature cultural tradition from which inferior copies could be made (Greenberg). Of course, this approach begs the question of who gets to decide what is real art and what is not!

An Ethical Response: Kitsch as Anti-art
A final approach to kitsch understands it as containing a negative moral dimension. It holds that art should reflect the true, the good, and the beautiful — and kitsch does not. “Art, then, is, in its own way — no less than theology — a revelation of the Divine” (Lindsay). If this is the case, then kitsch is “the element of evil in the value system of art” (Broch). For example, the ability of kitsch to “sentimentalize the infinite” has ethical connotations as it reduces something meaningful to a bauble and divorces it from its original meaning-providing context. I can’t help but think of all of the “Precious Moments” figurines that elicit an “aww… isn’t that cute” response.

Kitsch and Commodification

The rise of Christian retailing in the 19th and 20th centuries added a new dimension to the whole kitsch debate. While “Jesus junk” has its origins in the 1800s, it exploded with the development of advanced capitalism in the late 1900s. In the 1990s the sales of Christian products exceeded 3 billion annually — and that’s just in the United States! Advanced capitalism, with its outsourcing, niche marketing, and new marketing and advertising techniques has clearly demonstrated that anything — absolutely anything — can become a commodity. This results in the reduction of beliefs, symbols, and religious practices into “free-floating signifiers” to be consumed like anything else. The result is the proliferation of what some would consider “kitsch.”

Final Thoughts

I have sympathies for all of the approaches to kitsch noted above. The more neutral social-scientific study of kitsch is crucial for understanding the material culture of different groups within Christianity. This I believe has to be the first step in any analysis of kitsch. In regards to the aesthetic approach, I think it is very difficult to maintain a rigid dualism between good art and kitsch — especially in the light of blurred distinctions between camp, pop art, hyper-realism, and even kitsch art.

But when I put on the hat of a theologian and take an “insider” perspective, I find it difficult to maintain neutrality. But rather than take an ethical stance based on some idea of aesthetics, I would base my ethical repsonse based on the affect of advanced capitalism on Christianity. In this sense, I am more concerned with the commodification that much of Christian kitsch represents, than with any evaluation of its artistic merit. I can’t help but think that much of what I would consider “kitsch” devalues and cheapens Christianity (or Judaism, Islam, Hinudism, or any religion) by taking it out of its faith context and reducing it to a product to be consumed like anything else. But then again, I could be wrong!

Dogs, Urine, and Bible Translations (On the Importance of Translating Connotative Meaning)

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Translation Theory 101

All translators agree that the task of translation is to communicate the meaning of the original source language in the target/receptor language (at least I haven’t met one who wanted to obscure the original meaning!). The debate revolves around what linguistic form should be used in translation. Two of the most popular alternatives — which represent two ends of a spectrum — are “formal” and “dynamic” translations. Here is a chart that identifies were many modern translations would fit on the spectrum (it is obviously not exhaustive and represents my ad hoc evaluation).

With formal (“word for word”) translations the syntax and word class of the original language tend to take precedence over that of the target language. Thus, nouns beget nouns, verbs beget verbs, etc. In contrast, dynamic (“sense for sense”) translations restructure the form of the original into the natural syntax and lexicon of the receptor language in a way that preserves the semantic meaning rather than the form of the source. Compare these examples (my dentist especially likes the first one):

  • “I gave you cleanness of teeth in all your cities, and lack of bread in all your places, yet you did not return to me,” says the LORD (Amos 4:6 NRSV, JPS, NASB, KJV).
  • “Igave you empty stomachs in every city and lack of bread in every town, yet you have not returned to me,” declares the LORD (Amos 4:6 NIV, NLT).
  • And he came to the sheepcotes by the way, where was a cave; and Saul went in to cover his feet: and David and his men remained in the sides of the cave (1Sam 24:3 [Heb. v 4] KJV, NJB).
  • He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. (1Sam 24:3 NIV, NRSV, NLT, NASB).

(See here for a discussion of the Hebrew idiom of “covering one’s feet”)

In ancient times, formal translation was dominant (e.g., the majority of the translators of the LXX), while in modern times dynamic translation tends to be favoured. The tension between the two methods is seen in any modern translation — whether of the Bible or not. I was reading a new translation of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina and the translator highlighted the same tension between formal and dynamic translation. On the one hand the primary purpose was to make Tolstoy readable (dynamic), but she also wanted preserveseve some of Tolstoy’s abrupt style (formal). When it comes right down to it, it is quite rare for a translation to be entirely consistent. Formal translations will unpack some idioms and expressions in the source language using dynamic equivalence while leaving others, and some dynamic translations will employ their theory inconsistently, especially when it comes to a traditional passage.

Denotative and Connotative Meaning

Another significant — and difficult — aspect of translating from one language to another is rendering the connotative meaning of the original. “Connotative” refers to the emotive sense of a word (denotative meaning refers to the referential sense of a word). Connotative meaning recognizes that words have a history and have definite connotations in different cultural contexts. The trick is trying to represent these accurately in translation. A well-know example where most translations fail to convey the connotative meaning of the original is Jesus’ response to his mother at the wedding in Cana:

  • “Woman, what concern is that to you and to me?” (John 2:4 NRSV, NASB, KJV)
  • “O woman, what have you to do with me?”(John 2:4 RSV)
  • “You must not tell me what to do, woman” (John 2:4 GNB)

In all of these cases it would seem to most English readers that Jesus is giving his Mom some attitude when he addresses her as “woman” (γυνή). In contrast, γυνή appears to be a term of endearment and affection in the first century (cf. Josephus, Ant. 17.74). I would think it would be better for translations to not even translate the word like the NLT, or at the very least add a modifier to help communicate the connotations of the term. This is what the NIV did in its translation: “Dear woman, why do you involve me?”

Dogs, Urine, and Connotative Meaning

OK, now we’re at the passage that I wanted to talk about all along. One Hebrew phrase that I think pretty much all modern translations fail miserably to convey its connotative force is found in 1 Samuel 25:22 and five other times in the Hebrew Bible. Compare the following translations:

  • “So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall” (KJV).
  • “May God do so to the enemies of David, and more also, if by morning I leave as much as one male of any who belong to him” (NASB, NIV, NRSV, NLT, BBE, NAB, NKJV, TEV, etc).

Virtually all modern English translations that I have checked render the Hebrew phrase משתין בקיר (lit. “urinate against the wall”) with “male.” Two exceptions are the ASV which has “man-child” and the NJB which renders the phrase with the rather obscure “manjack” (“manjack” appears to be an emphatic way of saying “all of them”). The phrase occurs with similar contexts of cursing and killing in 1Sam 25:34; 1Kings 14:10, 16:11, 21:21; and 2Kings 9:8.

Many scholars think the term is a vulgar way to refer to male humans who may urinate in public whenever nature calls or young children who would be even less bashful (as the ASV evidently understood it). I think a better understanding is to see it as a derogatory comparison to male dogs who are more than eager to urinate against a wall (or anything else that is close). This appears to be one of the early understandings of the phrase (see the Talmud, Midrash on Samuel, Rashi, etc.) and a fairly popular modern one. Whether or not it is referring to males or comparing them to male dogs, it is clearly a contemptuous, vulgar, and pejorative way to refer to men. Translating it simply as “males” fails to convey the negative connotations of the original Hebrew.

The question remains, why would most modern translations not render this phrase in a way that brings out its connotative sense? I would suggest that this is a case of modern translations — both formal and dynamic — wimping out. You can’t have “urinate” in the Bible, much less “piss”! It’s the same concern for a false sense of propriety that softens the translation of ש×?גל×? in the Hebrew Bible or σκÏ?βαλα in the New Testament, among others. This is just one example of where modern translations soften the biblical text. I think that tendency blurs the distance between the horizon of the text and the horizon of the reader which is a necessary precaution against mis-reading an ancient text. While this is more of a problem for dynamic translations, as can be seen from this example, it also is a problem for more formal translations.

Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch, 3.2 – Special Edition: Scripture Poker Chips

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I heard about these from a friend who frequents Christian retailing shows, but couldn’t find them anywhere on the internet. But who says perseverance doesn’t pay off! Next time you ante up, why not witness at the same time? That’s right, what we have here are some Scripture Poker Chips called “Faith Chips.”

A press release from assistnews, notes that these chips are meant to be “an ultra cool mini tract to hand out… designed to persuade nonbelievers against gambling with their eternal souls, but could also be used to help a believing gambler kick the gambling habit.”

Take a gamble and purchase some today from kerusso.com. I know next time I play Texas Hold’em I will be doing more than winning!

Jesus Junk and Christian Kitsch, 3.1 – Special Edition: Talking Bible Dolls

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I just came accross a press release for Talking Bible Dolls.

Yes, that’s right, now you can buy a Talking Moses, Talking Jesus, or a Talking Esther doll!

When you push their felt hearts they recite different verses. Jesus knows a number of verses from the prophets, psalms, and gospels, while Moses recites the Ten Commandments. I couldn’t discover what Esther said, though I bet it wasn’t “let the ten sons of Haman be hanged on the gallows” (Esther 9:13).

I was a bit surprised, however, that despite the popularity of ancient Aramaic and Hebrew since the release of Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, these dolls speak modern English. Another shocker is that the Talking Moses doll is not Jewish! He appears to be Protestant — at least that is what I would think from his recitation of the Ten Commandments (see my previous blog entry on the Ten Commandments here if you don’t know what I am referring to).

I can’t be too hard on these dolls, they are kind of cute. You can purchase them from talkingbibledolls.com.

Now if only we could have a Talking Job’s Wife Doll that tells you to curse God and die!